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One of the rare scenes that doesn’t take place in a limo.

I’m so glad I missed the press screening for this. It enabled me to go to the theatre and see it with a paying crowd.

I chuckled at the few people that couldn’t pronounce the title at the box office. I laughed harder when four of the 40 in attendance left and demanded their money back.

One critic I read online said that if you spend a penny to see this, it will be the worst investment of your life.

Roger Ebert said “You couldn’t pay me to see it again.”

You will regret if you pay to see it one time, trust me.

Writer/director David Cronnenberg, who everyone will agree is an interesting filmmaker, has done things I’ve enjoyed; The Dead Zone, The Fly, Crash, Videodrome and more recently, Eastern Promises and A History of Violence.

I was bored by Dangerous Method, and just as bored watching this.

It’s New York City in the future and a 28-year-old (Robert Pattinson) billionaire rides around in his limo conducting his affairs. Those include business affairs, as well as sexual ones. It takes awhile to get across town for the haircut he needs, because the President is also in town blocking streets with his motorcade. There’s also a funeral for a rapper (isn’t that an Elton John song?).

He’s losing the empire he built up, but he’s staying on top of any colon cancer (he gets an examination while discussing business with one young lady).

Perhaps the novel by Don DeLillo is more interesting. We expect books to be wordy, but watching a disjointed film with monotone voices and dialogue trying to sound deep…has you wishing they would’ve just made a play about this.

I was wondering why Pattinson’s performance annoyed me. It’s not that he recites these lame lines badly. I’m guessing Cronenberg directed him the way he wanted. I just think another actor would pack a punch to some of the scenes where they needed it.

A few big names hop into the limo. There’s Juliette Binoche for the sex and Samantha Morton for the finances.

Paul Giamatti wants to assassinate Pattinson, as did many in the crowd I watched this with.

I thought about being a kid and watching a sci-fi film in which Cronenberg had a guys head explode. I felt like mine was about to many times during this pretentious piece of garbage.

It’s a shame, because a movie dealing with the evils of capitalism could’ve been fun. Instead, we got the evils of bad storytelling. It’s on my list of worst films of the year.

0 stars out of 5.

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