Since I’m writing this review on Halloween, I’ll compare it to the last Halloween movie. That horror film acted as if it was a sequel to the original, and it just conveniently forgot about all the other crappy sequels that followed the original. This movie is acting like Terminator Genisys never happened. So they play by the Terminator mythology that way, yet…at some point, they also disregard it.
For this version, we go south of the border, because…if there’s one thing Terminator fans want, it’s to read subtitles. It did remind me of how much fun Logan was a few years ago.
We watch as Dani (Natalia Reyes), who lives in Mexico City, and tries to keep her goofy brother employed, and from sleeping with every woman that walks by. It’s kind of funny when they show up at work at the car factor and he’s been replaced by a machine. Machines are going to soon be replacing other members of her family in the land of the living. No spoiler alert needed on that last comment, as it’s fairly obvious what’s going to happen. A terminator-type named Grace (Mackenzie Davis), is there to protect Dani from a Latino terminator (A Rev-9, played by the handsome Gabriel Luna), that reminds you of that unstoppable terminator in the second film. The problem was that the special effects were cutting edge when that came out in the early ‘90s. Now we just say…oh look, he turns into liquid, forms himself back together again, and keeps on fighting. And just as he is about to kill them after an elaborate car chase, Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) shows up. So the movie gives us three generations of kick-ass women.
I thought my wife would get mad when I leaned in and said, “I think they terminated Linda Hamilton’s epidermis.”
She shot back, “I was trying to figure out who looked older between her….and Clint Eastwood.”
Hamilton’s voice also sounded like she might smoke a few packs of Marlboros a day; because of that, every time she has to drop an f-bomb or talk tough, it was distracting. Her lines weren’t that funny, either. A few times I did chuckle. One of those was when the Rev-9 destroys a shed at an outdoor BBQ, and a few of the lines Arnold Schwarzenegger says about the drape and carpet business he runs (that’s an asinine subplot I won’t even begin to explain).
Director Tim Miller (Deadpool) just seems to have action scene after action scene, and the film needed a few quieter moments with character development. The action sometimes stops just long enough to give us a little exposition. There’s also a problem with some of the CGI looking bad, as well as some of the edits.
I always roll my eyes in movies like this, when we hear the phrase, “We need to get off the grid.” Everyone’s always getting off the grid (and they’re still found).
Everything about this movie is predictable, and it’s all recycled from previous Terminator films. It made spending over two hours with this rather miserable.
I couldn’t decide in closing, whether to take the line Arnold says here — “I won’t be back” and add — GOOD; or to close with, “Can the studio please terminate this franchise?”
I decided to go with both.
My wife and I both hated it.
1 star out of 5.