The Meg

I was around 8-years-old when I saw Jaws at a movie theatre in Mira Mesa showing double-features during the summer for $1. The movie had come out a few years earlier, but in the ‘70s, it’s not like you could watch them on Netflix or rent them at a video store. I can’t speak for anyone else in the theatre, but that shark scared me so bad, I didn’t even want my feet dangling over the seats. I was convinced the shark would find a way to take my legs out in that theatre. Even swimming in a friend’s pool made you think twice after that movie.

It’s a shame so many shark movies are bad. Sharknado was so bad, people enjoyed the goofiness of it.

I was a bit disappointed by The Shallows (Blake Lively) a few years ago. I was disappointed by 47 Meters Down last year. But hey…I’m one of the few people that actually liked Open Water.

Deep Blue Sea (Samuel Jackson) wasn’t that good, but it had a few fun moments. You could probably say the same thing about this, but Jason Statham is no Samuel Jackson.

Since I missed the press screening of The Meg, and it’s making Meg-a bucks at the box office, I thought I’d check it out.

Apparently this film is based on a series of books by Steve Alten. Joans Taylor (Statham) is a naval captain who at the start of the film, had a tough mission. Half the crew he abandoned (he basically had to), and people died. That means he’s angry, drinks, and has lost his will to live. Ah, but he has a chance to redeem himself when years later, he’s called back into action.

Director Jon Turteltaub (the National Treasure films) is all over the map on what kind of movie he’s making. Sometimes it’s campy. Sometimes it’s going for the big blockbuster. Other times it tries for laughs (unsuccessfully). It’s really just a big waste of time, unless you’re looking for somewhere to enjoy air conditioning for a few hours.

You’re never really scared, and with a 70 foot, prehistoric megalodon…you should be.

Chinese star Bingbing Li is in this, and has no chemistry with Statham.

Rainn Wilson was great in the underrated Super, but is rather annoying in this. And not in a good way like Dwight Schrute in The Office.

It felt like Stratham was phoning it in. And as a former Olympic diver, you’d think he’d be jazzed about being around all this water.

Most of the side characters didn’t work, and I’m too lazy to even look up who they were. I just don’t care enough and don’t want to devote another second to researching or thinking about this movie.

It had a $150 million budget. You’d think they were nuts to do that. But hey…it’s having two solid weeks in a row and will easily make a profit. And speaking of money, I remember reading an interview with Michael Caine when they asked him why he did the movie Jaws: The Revenge. He said something like “It paid for my second house.”

I’m guessing Jason Statham got a few houses out of this.

1 star out of 5.