The Weirdest Oscars Ever

This is an archived article and the information in the article may be outdated. Please look at the time stamp on the story to see when it was last updated.

I went to an Oscar party put on by the San Diego International Film Festival. It was in a $12 million home overlooking the ocean in La Jolla. I immediately thought…why couldn’t I be making movies and living in a place like this, instead of reviewing them and living in a condo. Hey…this place is  for sale ($12 million). If there’s anybody interested in going halves with me, call or text.

I’ve always been a huge Jimmy Kimmel fan and thought he did a terrific job as host. He did lean a little too heavily on the political jokes. I felt that was low hanging fruit that pandered to a liberal crowd. I’ll give them a pass since most of the jokes were funny. And obviously, he’s not the least bit responsible for the disaster at the end of the show.

I like that he didn’t shy away from an OJ Simpson joke, stating that since the OJ documentary won, OJ should get an extra slice of bologna on his sandwich that night. Now, he mentioned Mel Gibson a few times. Well Mr. Kimmel, if we’re going to attack Trump, would it have been too much to ask that you attack that offensive human being, or asking why Roman Polanski wasn’t there?

Viola Davis, an incredible actress, gave a terrific speech. The problem is that her movie Fences kinda sucked. Also, the fact that she won for “best supporting actress” when she was the “lead actress” in that film. That’s inexcusable garbage the Oscars shouldn’t let studios get away with.

I was thrilled Ali won for Moonlight. He was the best thing in it, and it was well deserved (although the young Lucas Hedges in Manchester by the Sea had a better performance). I was also pleasantly surprised that that Muslim actor didn’t get all political. Speeches should be about their love of the craft, those that influenced them, etc. Ali, as always, showed class and a lot of heart..

Sting came out to do a song. Is it me, or is he starting to look a lot like Mel Gibson?

After Justin Timberlake opened the show with a song and Kimmel started making fun of him joining his old boy band, he acted mad. I think these bits have gotten old, where actors act like they’re mad at the host (the Matt Damon/Kimmel fake feud is the one exception).

What an incredible moment when the Hidden Figures women brought out Johnson in a wheelchair. A great movie, and a terrific Oscar moment.

It was two hours into the show before the first person was played off the stage by the music. A funny moment was when Matt Damon was getting played off, and he yelled, “I didn’t even win anything!” Quick cut to Kimmel orchestrating things from the pit.

Loved Kimmel’s line about a white guy saving jazz (Gosling in La La Land) and black women saving NASA.

I don’t mind seeing Prince in the In Memorium segment (he actually won an Oscar for a song), but it just shows how, after showing Michael Jackson one year (when he only did one movie), and not showing Farrah Fawcett…they can get ridiculous with who they do and don’t mention. I didn’t notice if they had enough time to put Bill Paxton, who died the previous day, on the list. He’ll be missed (check out his recent work in the criminally underseen “Nightcrawlers”).

Halle Berry’s hair made her look like Macy Gray. And when she gave the Oscar to Justin Hurwitz (La La Land)…why didn’t he pull an Adrian Brody and give her a big ol’ smooch? And why does Justin’s wife, who he said he fell in love with while filming La La Land, look suspiciously like Emma Stone?

The Iranian director of The Salesman won the Oscar for “best foreign film.” It was okay, but not nearly as good as his A Separation. He could’ve attended the ceremony, but instead had somebody read a goofy political rant about Trump’s immigrant ban. My wife, who ran a rape crisis center for years, made an interesting observation. She said, “In his movie, a woman is raped, but they couldn’t call it ‘rape’ or it would be banned in his country. So they called it an ‘assault’. How about he worry about the crap going on in his country before he worries about our President?”

Is there anyone cooler than Denzel Washington? What a thrill for those tourists that got to walk in and meet him, and the other stars (now, if Denzel would just learn how to direct a movie).

So, we don’t see the Price Waterhouse guys with their handcuffed suitcases, and look what happens?

I didn’t catch a lot of the red carpet, but most of the outfits looked nice. Is it mean to say Dakota Johnson looked hideous when she hit the stage?

Warren Beatty should’ve also apologized for making Rules Don’t Apply this year. That is two hours I’ll never get back.

Somebody sitting next to me said, after the Oscar mix-up at the end, “Can you imagine if this was the other way around, and ‘Moonlight’ was announced as the winner and they instead gave it to La La Land. There’d be riots in the streets.”

Yep. And more goofy hashtags like #Oscarssowhite. Now, with these nominations and wins, does everybody realize how idiotic they sounded to complain about this last year? The nominations this year weren’t because Academy members wanted to “make things right.” It’s because they felt these were the performances most worthy. It has nothing to do with race.

And lastly…I won a large amount of money in the Oscar voting pool they had going. I felt a little guilty because, I’m probably the only person in that place that had seen 90% of the films.

Notice: you are using an outdated browser. Microsoft does not recommend using IE as your default browser. Some features on this website, like video and images, might not work properly. For the best experience, please upgrade your browser.