The Expendables 3
I’m not sure why anybody would support a film that gave Mel Gibson a job after all the negative things he’s done. The guy has said horrible things about women, Jews, police, and many others. He’s gotten DUIs, and he’s never apologized in a way that seemed genuine. At least the cast of the third Hangover told the producers they wouldn’t do the movie if he was involved, so they canned him. Perhaps it’s not as important to Stallone, who not only stars, but produced and wrote this awful film.
The joke got old 20 minutes into the first Expendables. A bunch of old tough guys showing they still got it, and making old guy jabs. It’s amazing to think that Stallone actually won an Oscar for Best Screenplay for Rocky. This movie is written poorly in so many ways. Attempts at humor involve Wesley Snipes being rescued from prison transporting train. When the bearded “Dr. Death” is asked what he was in for, he said, “Tax evasion.”
See how funny that is? It happened in real life, so the audience can feel like they’re in the know. With Gibson and Snipes, why not have a pregnant maid show up and hand some paternity papers to Schwarzenegger?
Another example of the poor writing involves how things happen in the plot. A few tech savvy young guns that are brought in as part of the crew, fail to check one of the prisoners (who of course, has a device on him that helps with the escape).
Another time, one of the villains has the good guys captured, and in that James Bond way, explains exactly how they’re going to die (so they can, of course, figure out a way to stop the explosion they would’ve never know about). When they do, Stallone tells them what they’re escape plan is, failing to realize that the bad guy would be able to hear every word they’re saying.
There’s also goofy attempts at humor that involve the female of the bunch – real life MMA fighter Ronda Rousy. Antonio Banderas, now single after Melaine left him, tries flirting while they punch and shoot bad guys. That’s gotta be funny, right?
There are other guys that just stand around making those usual comments and facial expressions after blowing stuff up. That was only mildly amusing in the ‘80s. It’s just stupid at this point.
I don’t remember much about Expendables 2, except how they brought in Jean-Claude Van Damme,, Bruce Willis, and Chuck Norris in an attempt to up the quota of ‘80s tough guys. I was surprised this film didn’t bring in Steven Segal, Mike Ditka, Clint Eastwood, Hulk Hogan, and Mr. T (why should Rocky’s Russian opponent Dolph Lundgren be the only one that gets a paycheck out of this garbage?).
Kelsey Grammar and Harrison Ford add a bit to the movie, but not much. Ford is the one issuing the assignment. That means they don’t kill bad guy Mel Gibson, but have to bring him back alive. I think he also says, “Don’t let him know you have a woman on your crew now. It’ll make him go nuts. Did you see how he reacted to that female cop?”
Okay, he didn’t say that, but…if we’re going to joke about Snipes tax evasion, why not have some fun at Gibson and his racist rants?
Grammar helps Stallone get a new crew, after the old timers are all relieved of their duties. Oh, but they’ll show up later when they’re needed (no “spoiler alert” needed in obvious rubbish like this).
For some reason, a lot of critics liked the Steve Soderbergh movie Haywire. It also had Banderas and a female MMA fighter. Yet it had no script, just well-shot fight scenes. This movie casts a few real MMA fighters, and doesn’t even have fight scenes that are that interesting.
Jason Statham, who is sometimes fun in these types of films, isn’t given much to do. He does do more than Jet Li. Li’s in two quick scenes and only has one line.
The few attempts at jokes fall flat. The screenplay is non-existent and the cinematography is nothing. Watching a bunch of ‘80s action A-listers just isn’t that interesting. And watching Mel Gibson in a fight scene that was lifted out of Lethal Weapon, just made me angrier. When he rants about the government turning their back on him, I wondered if he was implying that Hollywood did that to him. It also reminded me of those recorded phone calls where he threatened to kill the mother of his child. Oh, and nothing like the red carpet earlier this week when the cast was asked by reporters to comment on the death of Robin Williams. Gibson said a few kind words, but you wonder….does he know Williams was Jewish? After all the horrible things he’s said about Jews over the years. For example, Winona Ryder said at a party, he asked if she was Jewish. When she told him she was, he said she should be put in the oven.
If you want to support a movie with people that say things like that, it’s up to you. I’d like to think you won’t go because it’s a horrible movie and if these Expendables keep making money (each one has), they’ll be “dependables” to the studio suits.
It was a waste of my two hours, on a night when there was another screening of “What If…” It’s a movie I would’ve rather seen a second time (or third), than seeing this piece of crap.
Mel Gibson should’ve thrown the script in the oven.
It gets 1 star out of 5.