What to Expect When You’re Expecting

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what to expect when

Baby bumps

I might lose my man card saying this but…Cameron Diaz rarely looks appealing on screen. She was cute and fun in There’s Something About Mary and okay in Vanilla Sky. I can’t think of anything else I’ve liked her in.

So, teaming her up with Matthew Morrison (Glee) wasn’t the best idea. He kind of bugs me, too (and I’ve only seen one episode of Glee).

Another couple is played by two attractive actors – Dennis Quaid and Brooklyn Decker (who can currently be seen in the equally bad Battleship). Quaid is the former race car driver with lots of money and the trophy wife. He doesn’t have a clue how annoying he is to his son. That son is equally annoying (played by Ben Falcone, the air marshal in Bridesmaids). He has no chemistry with Elizabeth Banks, an author that’s written books about breastfeeding.

There’s another couple that should have chemistry but doesn’t. They are played by Anna Kendrick and Chace Crawford. They have competing food-trucks, making this the third movie in the last three months where characters run food-trucks.

I have no problem with the premise of this not being the most original – it’s dealing with all the horrible things associated with pregnancy. The problem is that they bring nothing new or funny to the table. It made Knocked Up look like Citizen Kane.

Oh wait. I almost forgot about the relationship Jennifer Lopez is in with Rodrigo Santoro. She’s in the process of adopting and feels she has to hide her wedding photo (since they were dressed up in Las Vegas like Prince and a showgirl). At least she didn’t hide the cool concert poster on the wall of local legends The Rugburns.

One character is a dancer on a Dancing with the Stars type of show. Another hosts an America’s Biggest Loser type of show and really…all these are decent possibilities for humor. Yet, it was 30 minutes into the film before I laughed.

There’s a scene where Diaz and Morrison argue over whether they will circumcise their child. It’s a perfect topic to debate, but was written horribly (aside from an eavesdropping co-worker who yells in the background “We don’t like to see how the sausage is made.”) The three female screenwriters of this should’ve gotten a few more to help with the script.

They based it on the 1984 book of the same name, but it has about as much in common with that as Battleship did with the Hasboro game.

At first I enjoyed the “Dudes,” who get together with the babies. We see them walk into the playground in slow motion (a scene that’s been done to death), with Biggie Smalls blasting as they high five and fist-bump each other. I was thrilled to see Tom Lennon (Reno! 911) as one of the friends; but after a few scenes with them, it was frustrating to see they weren’t given any good material to work with.

For all the various relationships/situations they gave us…and with President Obama saying he now supports gay marriage…I would’ve liked to see a gay couple trying to adopt a child instead of Lopez.

I think when the movie was all said and done, I may have laughed five times. One joke that comes to mind is when a baby is walking and keeps falling down on the soccer field. One father said “He walks like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler.” His friend replies, “More like Mickey Rourke in real life.”

I smiled when the couple named the Coopers, talk about their “mini Cooper.” More often than not, I was cringing at the garbage I was forced to watch. One time it was a sad moment, with a stupid ballad played that ruined the mood.

Director Kirk Jones got panned for his Robert De Niro movie a few years ago called Everybody’s Fine. I thought that film was okay, and he did one of the best comedies of 1998 – Waking Ned Devine. I expected more from him than a film that felt like a sitcom written by Garry Marshall. With What to Expect, I wasn’t expecting to like it. I was expecting to laugh more than I did.

1 star out of 5.

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