The Vow

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the vowA couple of newlyweds are making out in their car when it’s hit by a truck. She’s sent through the windshield, ends up in a coma, but has that thing happen to her that makes all romantic comedies so wonderful – she has amnesia.

Now, it was kind of fun when Goldie Hawn had this happen, playing a rich snob that was verbally abusive to Kurt Russell, who was working on her boat. He pretended to be her husband and got some revenge.

This was just a vehicle to give us more meet-cute moments, which had me scratching my head and wondering – do you need to have suffered a brain injury to enjoy this garbage?

I can give women a pass for liking The Notebook, but if you’re going to have to be dragged to this for Valentine’s Day – shouldn’t the women have to go with you to see stuff blow up in Safe House?

The chemistry between Rachel McAdams (Midnight in Paris, Sherlock Holmes) and Channing Tatum (Haywire) isn’t so bad, but I’m a bit bothered by his narration. He sounds like a lump who isn’t charming in the least. That doesn’t mean the ladies won’t swoon when he smiles underneath that goofy hat, or walks across the room completely naked (was a “spoiler alert” needed there?).

The parents are played by Sam Neill (Jurassic Park), who has aged well; and Jessica Lange, who hasn’t (I’m glad she hasn’t had a million plastic surgeries, but she was my early ‘80s crush, so it shocked me a bit).

When women ask me what I disliked about The Notebook, I always tell them that the courtship wasn’t very romantic. If screenwriters want us to feel the love these characters have for each other, give us something. The Notebook had the couple lay in the street watching stoplights on their date. In this movie, Tatum farts in the car – and she rolls the window up to keep the smell in. Huh?

I won’t even get into how the brain damage caused her amnesia to only forget her new husband, his rock band that crashes at his house and eats the breakfasts she cooks…and how she’s an artist/sculptor that dropped out of law school and no longer speaks with her parents. Instead, she merely ditches this bohemian lifestyle and goes back to wanting her parents in her life, returning to law school, thinking about the fiancé she broke up with, and ditching that vegetarianism and devouring meat like there’s no tomorrow.

I’m glad she forgot that she didn’t like sweaters, because she looked adorable once she started wearing them again.

It’s hard to believe five screenwriters were involved in this (and that it’s not a Nicholas Sparks novel).

I was also bummed that for a guy that’s a hip rocker dude and talked a good game — he mentions Scotty Moore on the song Mystery Train, the Sun Sessions, and he wears a Stax Records shirt — yet the only decent song in this is Pictures of You at the end.

1 out of 5 stars.

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