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chloeI’m really starting to hate French films. This isn’t a French film, but a Canadian remake of one. That’s close enough for me.

The cast is solid. We have Liam Neeson, Julianne Moore, and Amanda Seyfried. Their performances are all fine. The script just isn’t up to snuff.

There’s a scene with Seyfried and Moore that should’ve made this movie rated NC17. It rivals the love scene with Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon in Bound (a great film, if you haven’t seen it).

Director Atom Egoyan is often talked about by my movie buff friends. One of his earlier movies was interesting (can’t think of the title right now, and I don’t care enough to Google it).

Chloe has great music and such wonderful cinematography. There are shots of buildings, through windows, offices, hotels… sometimes with mirrors, that I can see being taught in film school classes. It just would’ve been nice to have a story that wasn’t so damn implausible and derivative of other Fatal Attraction type films.

The first problem is showing Neeson instant messaging a female student, and quickly shutting his computer down when his wife walks in the room. We obviously know he’s cheating at that point, and you wonder why a guy that smart would do a move like that.

In case you’re going to see it, I won’t tell you the other reasons we know Neeson is cheating. I also won’t go into why the scenes in which they trick us, are done unfairly. I’ve long had a pet peeve about movies that trick us unfairly.

The film is also predictable. At least it was for my friend and I.

It reminded me of Soderbergh’s The Girlfriend Experience which critics praised (a very average movie, but better than this).

Speaking of directors, a few critics have mentioned Hitchcock when talking about this movie. They should be ashamed. Bertolucci, maybe (on a bad day).

There’s a scene where a female character that’s obsessed with another woman, is sleeping with a young man. She’s not really into it, until she sees the other womans shoes in the closet. At that point, she starts screaming with ecstasy. I leaned into my friend and said “What woman doesn’t do that when they see a nice pair of pumps?”

He laughed and said later “Your line was the only thing I liked about the movie.”

I said, “Well, the love scenes were kind of hot. I needed a cigarette after one of them.”

He went on about Seyfrieds “bug eyes” bugging him, and not being attracted to Moore’s freckly body.

This is the type of movie that Mr. Skin would love, but nobody else. It just gets too ridiculous, which is a shame. A few of the stories could’ve made for an interesting picture.

If you like this movie, you probably have a collection of Sharon Stone films on your shelf. I say rent Bound and save some money.

It gets a D.

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